Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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