I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
