I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
