At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
