If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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