Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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