Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize