Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
