the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
