She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
