Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
