i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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