I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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