I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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