Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
