AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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