Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just had sex on a roof
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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