I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
