You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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