Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
