Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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