You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize