Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
