ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize