just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
