The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
