Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
