Three words: puerto rican gang bang
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
