I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
