so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
