A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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