i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
