After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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