just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
