Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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