So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
