make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
