i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
