Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
