Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
