if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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