I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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