I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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