You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
