White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
