someone threw a dead crab at me
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
