half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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