Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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