At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
