Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
