I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
