I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
