Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
