I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
