Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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