She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Also, beer. Big fan.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
