i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize