If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
