you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize