I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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