I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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