Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
