Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize