And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
