Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
