Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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