He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
