I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
