after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
