i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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