Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
