I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
