If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
All I want is dick and wine.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
