My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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