I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
